I’ve had a lot of revelry in the past couple decades.    Probably more than my fair share of debaucherous nights full of wine and whiskey.  A lot of it gets chalked up to work events, which somewhat diminishes the enjoyment.  These events demand an athlete’s level of mental and physical discipline in order to party all night in Vegas, and yet still be bright, sharp and shiny for the exhibit hall early the next morning.  I’ve done it so many years now that the glam has worn off and all that is left is the stench of cigarette smoke and the acrid fumes of empty glasses.

And, this last January, we kicked it up a notch, and a few of my work pals and I celebrated my upcoming nupitals at McFaddens in Rio (Las Vegas, not Brazil).  I’ll make only a passing mention of the blowup dolls, penis straws, vibrating keychains, all standard bachelorette fare.  I was also up early, clean and sober the next morning, ready to meet and greet.  I was also due on a panel discussion later in the afternoon, which we nailed.  So I am quite sure I don’t need another round of plastic male genitalia. Read the rest of this entry →

Such a long day, it feels like I’ve worked a week even though I had all Monday off and half of Tuesday.  I think it was because my parents were in town, so my brain had no mental downtime.  It was fun, I feel like I got a lot accomplished and that my parents at least felt as though they were part of the wedding planning process (as much as they can be given that they live in San Diego). Read the rest of this entry →

Almost a total loss of motivation at work.  It feels as though I’m just churning through the day, answering emails, smiling, helping…but my brain just isn’t engaged.  It’s gotten to the point where my creativity level between 10a-6p is just about nil.  Writing on the side helps, but it also creates added stress with deadline after deadline.  It also means I have less time at home to do what I want, running, working on those gum paste flowers, getting thank you notes designed.  (Must.  Finish.  Thank You.  Notes.  Must.)

I wonder if I’ve hit the career woman’s version of a mid-life crisis?  I’m stuck between wanting a bigger role at some organization, and culling down my career to have a family.  Every day, my mind flip flops.  It’s hard too, to seek options to my current job, because hey…it’s security with flexible hours.  It just feels as though I’m stuck in limbo.  At the start of my career, there was always insecurity related to, “Am I good enough?  Do people like me?”  These days, it’s “Okay, now what?”

I always hate it when people complain about their job, because these days, you’re lucky to have one.  But I suppose I need to feel a sense of contribution, of effort.  I don’t want to end my career thinking that nothing I did really stretched outside the box.  I still have the desire to go beyond my own expectations.  It just feels like I’m drowning in ho-hum right now.

Covered my first event in 13 years tonight.  It should net me a whopping $50 and a byline in the Evanston RoundTable.  Tell you what though…I still got  it!

Interviewed the executive director of the Mitchell Museum, the chairman of the Youth Technology Corps, and a gaggle of high school kids, two of whom had such thick accents, I had to listen to the recording twice to verify the spelling of their name.   But one thing was unmistakable, high school boys are still shy around women.

Read the rest of this entry →

These past three weeks have been packed, it feels like I’ve been running from errand to work to gym, with bonus appointments in between. Conferences, committee meetings, breakfasts… And every time I think I’ve cleared away enough for a respite, something else gets booked. It’s not bad, I don’t think there’s anything I would give up.

But, it feels as though I’m doing sprint intervals, running just as hard as I can, running myself low, because I know there’s a let-up just around the bend. I have to trust myself, I have to know that a breather is coming up, so that I can push myself to use up that last little bit of energy in reserve.

Had breakfast with Jen, Mala and Jacque this morning. Both Jen and Jacque are on the cusp of a career milestone, one with a new job in a smart young marketing firm that adapted gaming technology and applied it to behavioral marketing; the other working with a molecular baker out in Napa to bring a new gluten free product to market. Both of them seem so rejuvenated, excited and just a little nervous about their new paths. I miss having that feeling, that happiness! Work hasn’t brought that passion out in me for the last couple years, and more often than not, I’m looking at the clock, waiting for it to tick to six. It’s become routine, answering emails, giving the same advice I’ve given for the last five years, over and over again, just to different people. I’m not sure if it’s me, or the nature of the job.
Read the rest of this entry →